no sinusitis :D

lucky me.

after 3 months (exactly yesterday!) here in southern cone, i've already had the pleasure of going through 1 box of claritin and visiting doctors in 2 different countries, yay! i think it's been my eternal winter this year - i just haven't been able to be my normally pretty healthy self. as we approach september, though, the month that everyone tells me signals the beginning of spring, i'm getting more hopeful :) i'm also planning to go to the pharmacy tomorrow to buy an awesome multi-vitamin that will hopefully build up my body's reinforcements :D but would this topic really be complete without an account of my experience of going to the doctor in argentina (since i've already written about chile)? didn't think so ;)

so after a busy weekend of going out every night and fun-filled days, my body wasn't having it. i woke up sunday morning with a sore throat and the dread that comes with knowing the next step... yup, a cold :( i immediately started with my claritin regimen, hoping to ward it off in time for my trip back to santiago on tuesday (which ended up being thursday, but whatever). no such luck. i woke up monday morning with my right eye so swollen i almost couldn't open it and a face completely in pain from sinus pressure. not to mention no appetite (that's when you know something's up) and just a general feeling of awfulness. tuesday followed suit, but with 2 swollen eyes. by wednesday, i wanted to go to the doctor, just to feel better. i arranged with my insurance company to attend a place called hospital alemán for the next day (the guy remembered me, ha ha) and that was that. they were going to send documentation to the hospital saying that they'd pay for everything so i wouldn't have to front the money - good thing, since my wallet with all of my credit cards (aka backup money) got stolen in the metro on wednesday...

well, i arrive to the hospital, which was really nice, by the way, and am told very nicely by an english-speaking clerk that they haven't received the documents from my insurance company and i'll have to front the 145 pesos if i want to be seen by the doctor. hmmm, no. my salary doesn't cover unexpected doctor's visits, unfortunately, and i think i'd prefer to eat this week. i leave and go to a locutorio down the street to call my insurance company - turns out they sent the documents to the right place, wrong person. i go back to the hospital and find that my trusty english-speaking person is gone - time to bust out the spanish and make sure i get treated for the right thing, ha ha ;) after speaking with someone else for about 10 minutes, my documents are finally located and i'm sent to a doctor, yay! this whole process took about 1 hr, just for reference :)

i go in to see the doctor, who kisses me as a greeting - very normal here, but dr./patient in a hospital clinic? not so sanitary... anyway, after doing the normal doctory things that the guy in chile did, pronouncing me officially with sinusitis, this doctor asks me to go downstairs and get an x-ray done...of my face. i tell him i can't pay extra but he insists my insurance will pay for it. ok, cool. but then he keeps my form, the very important form i worked so hard for. i go downstairs and wait in a line, only to have the woman tell me that she needs my document from the insurance company. i tell her the doctor has it upstairs. i wait 20 more minutes. the document arrives and i go to x-ray my face - first time i've ever had that done. easy and painless, and now i have a cool picture to show for it ;) i then go back upstairs, but not before spending about another hour for this whole process.

i go back upstairs to the doctor who glances at the picture and declares me overall healthy, just heavily congested. he then opens a drawer and starts handing me medicine - for free! that was something that i had been worried about, especially without the support of my backup funds - all of a sudden, i'm gifted with decongestants, nasal spray, and antibiotics (i'm not sure why since i suppposedly wasn't sick) - thank you, hospital alemán :) thank you, argentina!

so after 3 hrs, i arrive back in the office with my goody bag and my first doctor visit handled completely in spanish! i was proud of myself, and it makes me feel better knowing that i can do it if i need to and don't need to rely on someone catering to me. it's something i've been trying to get away from here, having to depend on people in other parts of the world that speak english - i like knowing that i can do what i need to do as it's done here, more independent :)

...and the nasal spray has cleared me right up :) also 27 hrs of rest on my journey from buenos aires to santiago, but that's another story.

a little bit of catch up

so i realize it's been 2 weeks since i've posted, which even by my standards in the u.s. for posting on this thing is a long time. guess it goes to show how busy i've been lately, ha ha :) so what's been going on, you may ask?

well, we had a conference in tandil, argentina, a town about 6 hrs by bus from buenos aires. the theme of the conference was "shake it to exchange!" which i think we defninitely got across. i'm still getting emails from the lc's saying, "we're shaking it! we raised a form!" i. love. it. our intro dance as a team was even to a song called "shake it" (are we seeing enough of the theme here?), in which i acted like a crazy person yelling and headbanging in front of the entire plenary - eh, good start to my image, huh? the first couple days consisted of us explaining the current state of the region and getting feedback on our plan for the next year through lots of work with the lcp's and members of the executive boards in each committee. i hadn't thought it'd be a big deal, but when it came time for me to start speaking in front of everyone, i froze - i was terrified. i don't know what of, exactly. i've facilitated before many times and done public speaking-type things, but the whole environment was different. i felt like an outsider and like i wasn't getting across at all, and it came back in the feedback - they weren't seeing me as a leader. damn it. after hitting the 2.5 month mark of being away, trying to adapt to 2 different cultures, trying to learn the language, missing people back home, etc, it was just too much. i wanted to burst into tears after the second night and the thought of standing in front of everyone to prove to them that i was in fact qualified to be here only stressed me more.

but i did it.

as much as i wanted to deliver my sessions in spanish, just as a personal thing, i decided it had to go for me to do this as i wanted to do it. it's ok though, i did my functional tracks mainly in spanish and it was good :) they handed me a microphone. damn it. let's add to the craziness, no? but as i stood in the middle (mic in hand) and started talking, the words came out - and they weren't too bad :) the room was silent, all eyes looking at me, and i finally came out from behind my title and my teammates to show them that i did deserve to be here, that i am qualified, that i'm comfortable, and that i'm ready to lead. wow.

when you apply for a position like mc, the application makes it sound like you need to have all your competencies and fears in their proper places - that you're basically developed to where you need to be. what they don't tell you is how much room you still have and how much you will still grow.

i can't separate myself now from this experience, and i know that i never will. my future plans have altered already because of it, and i know that it's something i'll take with me for the rest of my life. if and when you have the chance to do something so profound - DO IT.

juan arrives in 4 weeks to stay for 9 months (at least) :) i couldn't be happier right now. bring on the adventure.

perfectionism, balance, and accepting yourself.

i wish i wasn't so tired (and needing to go to bed) so that i could write everything that i want right now. i wish i could describe how the past few days have truly changed my outlook on my experience and on myself within it - it seems i needed team days more than i ever thought i did. it's amazing what a little feedback can do for you, both positive and negative. you always think you see yourself for who you are and that you know yourself better than anyone; you never realize that you couldn't be further from the truth.

i've always been very critical of myself. a perfectionist, some would say. in high school it paid off - i graduated first in my class of 530 (más o menos). in college, however, this had to go - and fast. georgia tech knocked me down hard with my first (of what would become more) 45/100 on a test. perfect. you think you might have a fighting chance in being intelligent and then all of a sudden you're at the bottom of the class, fighting every day to keep your head above water in a sea of integrals, numbers, and variables. over the past 5 years, i learned to control my perfectionism, since not only would i have gone crazy if i didn't, it just wasn't possible for me. i learned how to balance my life among friends, extracurriculars, school, and myself, and it was glorious :)

so after finally getting the hang of it, here i am again, back to being 18 - cri.ti.cal.

understandably, i'm in a new (or many new) place(es). i've been in 3 cities in 2 countries in the past week, for instance. every day working. every day living. i love it. what better way to learn about yourself than to be thrown into a situation completely unfamiliar? it's all instinct, they say, who you are really - unless you're one of those, like me, whose mind can't shut up. i came here with certain expectations, which have been met, surpassed, and not even close in some cases. i've learned more in the past 2.5 months here than i learned in 4 yrs of high school and more about myself than i ever learned in college. i've been upset, sick, tired, elated, excited, exhausted, terrified, nervous, patient, impatient, confident, diffident, lost, sure, and so much more - and here i sit, tired as ever, writing.

i grow every day, yes, but it hasn't been easy. i'm still growing now. i hope i grow tomorrow, and i know i have so far to go but soooo much support to do it. i've felt more sure of myself today than i have in awhile, and it feels damn good.

bring it, i'm ready.