hola, 2010!

so here i am, now officially 1 day into 2010. the third decade in which i'm living. how did i get here? i've felt old and young, irresponsible and too responsible these past few days, just being in my home country.

i never lost my independence here, the independence that i've fought so hard for in chile, the independence that eluded me until almost the end of my time in brazil. it's something that's always been important to me and so i fight and struggle. it would be a lie to say that dropping yourself in a new country is easy and that you can start acting your age immediately - well, at least if you don't speak the language. i'm there now in chile, i got there in brazil, but not until after lots and lots of struggling. i landed here. i got in the car, and boom - i'm back where i was 7 months ago, independence-wise at least. my mind is a million miles away in some ways, completely content here in others. i can feel that i belong here and always will, just because i grew up here. i also belong in chile and brazil though, more in perspective than in appearance.

in the past week and a half that i've been here (in the u.s.), i've seen the majority of my extended family, spent lots of time with my immediate family, and have spent time with old friends ranging from 3rd grade to college. everything has been amazing, but there's something missing. i start to explain my life and my experience in southern cone and looks of interest turn to confusion - so, why are you there again? for how long? what exactly do you do? ah, so no engineering (yes, thank you, i know)? so, what's chile like?

i could talk about it all day to be honest if i didn't feel like i was boring and/or confusing people to death. so where does that put me now, at the end of this first day of 2010?

- i return to southern cone in 3 days

- on the other side of midterm goals (in my work)

- 1 week into yoga (and ready for more!)

- missing my boyfriend of 2.5 years

- realizing that my body doesn't react to a night of partying the same way it did in my first years of college

- speaking lots and lots of english

- listening and reading a lot in spanish

- uncertain about the future

- pleased with the past (and with saudades extremas)

- motivated, confident, and ready for something (not sure what yet)

- still without concrete goals

i don't want to limit myself with goals, and i know that they're important. i think my main goal for this year will be to find myself in a place. as you can see even in this blog, i haven't been in one place for long for the past 3 years - i love the traveling, the moving, the adventure. i've found parts of myself in various parts of the world, but each time i have to end up leaving a little bit of myself there. i want to find my challenge, i want to travel, i want to be emotionally and physically comfortable in a place long enough that i don't mind staying. not that i have a problem with atlanta, i'm just restless. i like it now, but i guess i just want to find and keep that independence (universal now, i hope) and use it to do something.

i want to do something this year, not just dream about it or talk about it. hold me to it.