inspiration and the thrill of the chase.

i've realized lately (or admitted to myself) the importance of the "thrill of the chase" to my working style, my ambition, my interests, and my inspiration. i don't think it applies to my personal relationships, but in terms of these other factors, it holds a little more relevance than i'd like.

part of the reason i entered engineering (i orginally came in to tech as a management major) was because of the challenge. everyone talked about how hard it was (but rewarding, of course) and without meaning to, i found myself wanting to try it out and see what i could do. maybe i wanted to prove to myself that i could do it. maybe i'm just an overachiever (though these high school tendencies have since worn off a little). i don't know.

i do know that i ended up in a really good position throughout it all in choosing environmental engineering, but i cringe to remember one of the main reasons that i went though it in the first place. it makes me question my decisions then and my decisions now and their motivations. it's dangerous to do something to prove that you can instead of doing it because you want to and it inspires you. i've been lucky once in that i ended up being passionate about my field but hopefully now can more aware so that i don't need luck to eventually end up where i want to be.

wherever that may be.

ticket to ride.

I have a flight.

I have my gown and hood for graduation.

May 18, I leave for Santiago. It's all still so unreal.

I had my last GPM at AIESEC GT tonight. I'm the "Most Ambitious," :)

Homeworking. Studying. Savoring. Expressing. Trying.

it finally feels like spring.

everything is finally starting to come together now, but maybe even a little too fast.

everything in school is piling up before GRADUATION in 2 weeks!!! i find myself trying to finish everything (to make sure that i can graduate, ha ha) but at the same time with no inspiration to do any of it. i think it's just major senioritis and am hoping that this isn't an indication of how i feel about the profession of environmental engineering in general, but we'll see. i already know that i don't want to take the traditional engineering pathway of sitting at my desk and running computer programs. guess i won't be doing that for the next year, at least :)

at the same time, i'm trying to take advantage of everything and everyone i have here since a part of me knows that i may not see them for a long while, or in some cases a really really long while. that's the thing about graduation - everyone goes their separate ways afterwards, and especially after being out of touch for a year, it could be way too easy to slip out of it.

there just aren't enough hours in the day, but everything will get done, eventually. i just found out that i won't need to get my permanent chilean visa here, which is one less thing to worry about :)

almost to the finish line - just need to push on through.

minha cidade nova :D

preston joked with me last night that i should write about my upcoming mc developments in portuguese, ha ha ha ha :) bem, podería fazer isso, mas eu quero que todo mundo entenda o que estou dizendo...só hoje, pelo menos :D

tenho mais coisas dizer, mas agora mesmo, só quero dizer isto...

vou morar (por o ano que vem) en santiago, chile!!!

vou viajar muito também, eu acho (espero), e não posso acreditar-lo! que emocionado!

well, preston, there's your portuguese ;) but i think the most important part of this, everyone gets...

santiago, get ready :D

full circle.

i was thinking the other day, as i jogged around the peaceful lake behind my apartment, that despite all that has happened in the past year (ie graduation, my traineeship in brazil, making new friends, getting involved in new activities, learning new things, being a grad student, etc.), i've come full circle. granted, i'm not the same person completely that i was a year ago, but i'm sure that if you looked at blog posts from when i started this thing in april 2008, you'd see similar events going on as now. for instance, i graduated last may with a bachelor's degree in civil engineering; i will graduate this may with a master's degree in environmental engineering. i had just found out that i was going to spend 3 months of my life living and working in brazil and was suuuper excited; i just found out i'm going to spend 1 year of my life living in working somewhere in southern cone (argentina, uruguay, chile) and am really really really super excited :) there are other things, of course, but these are the main ones.

and i can't help but think that though i came full circle in some ways, how have things changed this time around? well, for one, there's not much fear. this time last year, though i was soooo excited about going to brazil and already knew i'd be starting graduate school when i returned in the fall, i was still afraid a little: afraid of being alone, afraid of not knowing anyone or the language or the customs or the people, afraid of just being in a new place like that. i realize that 3 months and 1 year aren't the same, but this is something that i've always wanted, and this time around, i don't feel afraid, though from the reactions of some people when i tell them i'm going, maybe i should, ha ha :) brazil changed me. my experience there changed me, and the people i met. a year later, i still talk to most of them and it feels so normal. i still don't have a clear idea of what i want to do with my life overall, but i feel like my experience in brazil pushed me in the right direction, and here i am :)

in a way, this should be scarier since when i come back, there won't be a university waiting for me as it has for the past 5 years. there will, however, be a family, a great group of friends, and an amazing boyfriend (who might actually get to have an amazing international experience of his own :D) - and maybe this is what keeps me from being scared. comfort isn't so much about a place - you can always adapt; it's people. georgia tech has been good to me, but i feel like it's time for me to move on, finally :) i think it's good that i stayed for an extra year to do the master's thing and finally feel ready. well, now i do, and i think i'll be much better off for it.

i'm nervous, but not afraid of what lies ahead. and that, i think, is growing up :)