in the spirit of thanksgiving

i love this time of year :) the atmosphere seems to be alive with knowledge that the holidays are around the corner. it's cold but full of anticipation, stressful but full of hope. tomorrow marks my official start of the holiday season with thanksgiving :)

the year has brought me here quickly, more than ever before, and now that i'm here, i'm realizing that though i've changed so much in the past couple of years, especially this year, this will always be constant as long as i have my loved ones around me :)

i know most of you have already headed to your respective destinations and are there now, relaxing and appreciating...good, that's exactly what this is about. we celebrate with food to honor our history, but really, just recognizing everything that you have to be thankful for, whether you stuff yourself silly or not, is what it's all about, i think :)

so happy thanksgiving to everyone, and i hope you come to fully appreciate everything that you have - your family and friends, your youth, your love, your knowledge, your power, and your potential.

it's all coming together

today will be my last college football game (as a college student). next week will be my last thanksgiving having to make my plans around whether i actually have class on the day before or not. this winter break will be the last one i have, well, from school anyway. even though i technically graduated last may, these things never really hit me since i knew already that i'd be returning to tech for another glorious year, ha ha :) really, though, these things are nothing new to the people that i entered tech with 5 years ago, a few of which i still hang out with today.

for some reason, or maybe becuase i led myself to believe that it'd be better, i was ready to graduate but not ready to leave when i graduated last year. i had grown used to tech, or maybe just used to my lifestyle there. when you think about it, waking up at 10am for your 11am class everyday isn't such a bad deal. as i've gone through this semester though and seen how i fit into the graduate program while dabbling with the working world, it makes me realize that though i think my time (at tech at least) will finally feel right in being over, i don't know how i feel about being completely immersed in a 9-5 job. there are some freedoms that you just don't have once you get there, and that scares me a little bit.

that's why i'd like to take on a non-conventional job at first, one that gives me the chance to travel and the freedom to do lots of different things. going to brazil and my experience there definitely helped me find my direction for this, but it also just made me want to go back. if there's one regret i have about that experience it's that i didn't stay long enough. it was hard at first, sure, and i definitely got a lot out of it...but i also opened a new part of my life and discovered a completely different set of things that make me happy in addition to the ones i'd already known about. and i feel like that will always be with me...well, i hope so anyway :)

so after my obligations for the semester are over, when i start busting out the job applications, i'll be looking for what i've discovered i want and need in a job, but i'll also have more to consider, even just beyond going back to brazil itself. being there made me realize lots of things about being here too, and though i may not have the chance to satisfy all of my crazy ambitions, i'm hoping i'll find the wisdom to chase what's most important and be happy either way :)

there's so much i want to give back to so many people and institutions that have given so much to me. and now i just think i need to learn to live life with no regrets.

"i want to fly away"

faz um mês (mais ou menos) desde eu encontrí com os estudantes brasileiros...bem, numa reunión. um mês, depois de todo dia no brasil (claro). preciso sair de novo. estou perdindo a língua, a cultura, os hábitos, os percepções.

agora eu entendo mais do que nunca.

estou confusa...como sempre :)

so lately i've felt very much devoid of direction. i've just landed an internship/research thing with a professor here at school and with a company that does a lot of microscopy, which should be a good experience :) it looks pretty interesting and i think will do a lot to complement my education. i'm excited for it, but after that (and graduation), then what? i've been having the travel itch again despite the fact that i returned from brazil only 3 months ago, eek. a lot of that is wanting to go back and see everyone, wanting to be immersed in that warm, relaxed, inviting culture. some of it though, is just getting out there again and growing and learning in a way that you can only do when you're completely out of your comfort zone. there were some things that i had a really hard time with while i was there, and an incredible friend told me, "one day you'll look back on this experience and see just how lucky you were and how amazing it was. you won't remember much about everything else." he was right.

i'll be traveling again this winter break which will be awesome, especially since i'll be getting to hang out with and visit my family. i'll also get the chance to meet juan's extended family in costa rica too, which is intimidating but exciting :) it's something more than traveling though, i think. i want to be immersed again, be a part of something that's totally foreign and have it become part of me...what an incredible process :) maybe i'm also a little curious to see how i'll handle it this time around after doing it once before, i don't know. there's some reasons i don't want to, but lots that i do, and i haven't been able to come to terms with it all quite yet. i'll actually be making money this spring (which will help), but we'll see. i have time yet. i guess i'm just scared of going through everything so fast and only skimming the surface then growing to regret it. has anyone else gone through this train of thought? i thought that between my traineeship and my study abroad i'd have gotten that out of my system, at least a little so that i'd be content with just traveling. guess i really am a nomad at heart...

i'd like to think i can just take everything as it comes, but i've learned that a lot of times things just don't fall into your lap, you have to go after them.

so where do you go when you don't know what you're going after?

never expect the first...

i never expected this first interview to work out perfectly, of course. well, it just goes to show that practice really does help. i'm still kinda disappointed though :( well, at least i got to see new orleans for free :)

here's to the first of many.