that will go straight to your hips!

i know i wrote yesterday, but this just popped into my mind and i wanted to write it down before i forgot...that happens a lot, ha ha :) anyway, here´s the thing...i don´t think ever in my life i´ve been so conscious of my appearance as i have been here. that sounds weird when you say it like that, so let me explain...

although there are many blonde-haired, blue-eyed, fair-skinned brazilians, they tend to live further south near rio de janeiro and são paulo, places with a colder climate and more european cultural influence. salvador was the first capital of brazil and one of its oldest cities...it has a rich history, but as we all know about early colonization in the americas, there was a lot of racial mixing with the native americans that lived here first and slavery was rampant. as a result, we now have cities like salvador that are unique and awesome because they have native american, african, and european culture all mixed together to create amazing food, music, architecture, religions, dance, schools of though, and of course people. let´s face it, though, i don´t look like the majority of the people here.

it doesn´t bother me at all and i forget, to be honest, until i´m standing at the bus stop and a random lady comes up to me and starts speaking in rapid portuguese about how i should be careful because i´m an easy target for theft and stuff like that (i think, at least), then leaves with the warning, "cuidado (be careful)." this happened this morning. i forget until i´m standing at the bus stop after work and a homeless guy, yup a homeless guy, comes up and tells me (again in rapid portuguese that i almost catch) to be careful, i stand out too much. this was last week after work. it always shakes me up a little bit, and reminds me that unfortunately, sometimes our appearances mean more than they should. if you have lighter skin and features, here, it´s assumed that you have money and people could potentiall target you. i´m really really careful about everything and don´t go places by myself, but it is disconcerting to hear things like this all the time.

this is one aspect of being suddenly aware of how i look, but there´s another one too, one that´s kinda funny i guess in comparison. first let me start by saying that there aren´t many fat people here. not everyone is model-skinny, but no one is really grossly obese, you know? anyway, i´ve been told 2 times in the past week (while eating chocolate, granted), that "you´ll get fat eating that..." by guys...what????? i still haven´t figured out if that´s the norm here for men to say to women, but wow. i have no problem with my weight or self-esteem or body image or anything like that, but still...how crazy is that? and by people i work with, but still barely know, really. if anyone has any insight into that, let me know, cuz i wanted to laugh but drop my jaw in surprise at the same time, ha ha. maybe people are just more honest here?

oh, the things i´ve learned, ha ha :)

oh geez...

let me start out by saying that i´ve had waaaaaaaay too much sugar today. i´m a chocolate lover but not usually a candy/sweet tea/things with a lot of sugar lover, so this has been all a little too much for me...i´m a little lightheaded to be honest, so i figured i´d get my brain back in working mode a little by just writing some of the sugary goodness out of my head :) before i get off the sugar topic, though, let me first say that if you need a sugar fix...badly...then get some pressed sugar cane juice/water/liquid sugar :)

anyway, so things have been slowing down at work a bit since my boss (the one in charge of me that tells me what to do) has been busy preparing a bid and i´ve been trying to stretch out my work so that i have things to keep myself busy during the day until he gets back to me with more tasks. in an effort to do this, i´ve been reading the news, researching the oil and gas industry (that´s kinda my job i guess, ha ha), and just looking up things that interest me. i stumbled across one of those personality tests (the istj/epmt/jsldjfldks ones, you know)...i was curious and it seemed interesting, and although i never put all my faith in tests like this, i figured, why not?

apparently i´m an enfp, "the inspirer..." ok...so i read the description it gives, which happens to be pretty in-depth, and wow, it was like someone sat down and wrote about me...not everything, but a lot of things, yes, and it was a little freaky. how crazy is it that some people sat down and came up with ways to classify people based on some general questions? we´re all so unique in many ways, but when it comes down to it, we all somehow follow a certain trend...incredible.

this only furthers the belief that i´ve had for so long (and has only become stronger as i´ve traveled) that people are people, no matter where they come from, what kinds of religious beliefs they have, what kind of food they eat, what their hobbies are, etc. there are enfp´s like me in brazil and in france and australia and anywhere else i´ve ever been, and everywhere besides those places too. amazing.

it takes one to know one...so they say

even after being vp icx for a year and involved with the icx (now six) team for awhile, i guess i still didn´t really understand exactly what i needed to do for incoming trainees...no matter how much you think you´ve thought of everything, maybe you haven´t, and now as a trainee myself, i´m beginning to realize the amount of impact you can truly have as a local for a foreign person.

i´ve been here for a little over 2 weeks now, and in those 2 weeks, i´ve learned a lot and had a lot of fun :) i´ve also been a little frustrated though, and homesick as it turns out...there´s not much you can do about the latter except just get used to where you are (which has pretty much happened by now), but some of the frustrations could have been avoided had i just known a little more...after reading caitie´s blog post about her experience in morocco, i was surprised to find that she shared some of my feelings about feeling like you don´t even know the aiesecers near you. i have met some of the aiesecers here, namely the vp exchange that helped me get here, my "buddy" assigned to me (she´s really cool), the other trainee that´s here now, and 3 other aiesecers that have helped me out at some point or who i´ve gone out with for some stuff. everyone that i´ve met has been super nice, but i don´t really feel very connected to many of them...some of them i´ve met once, some a few more times than that...others, not at all. the family i live with here has helped me a with a ton of things, as well as the people i work with. the aiesecers have too, but it´s not the kind of relationship i expected it to be.

maybe i should´ve though...i don´t know about other lc´s in the country (or the world), but for those of us in atlanta, can we all think for a minute how much we´ve done for our trainees? sometimes things were beyond our control, granted, but everyday things...did we ever call them randomly just to come hang out with us and our friends? ask them to lunch? send them messages just to make sure everything was going well? helped them figure out cool places to visit in and around atlanta? help them to figure out the best way to get there?

i´ve been given some of these things here by the grace of some wonderful people that i´ve met, and some are in aiesec and some aren´t. i´d like to thank all of them, but i´d like everyone to think about these things too, because sometimes you can forget how hard it can be for someone to settle in without a little bit of help.

i intended this to be a little update on what i´ve been up to, but it´s gotten kinda long, so i´ll save it for another post...check out my facebook for pictures, they can tell more than i can in words anyway :)

beijos do salvador!

sloooooooooow doooooooowwwwwwwnnn

this is one thing i´m really having to learn how to do here, even though i thought i had it down pretty well already in the u.s. well, i guess that goes to show you how much your personal perception of time says about time...anyway, as sean has mentioned before about kenyan time, so there is also brazilian time, and from what i´ve heard and experienced here, they seem to be pretty similar.

in the u.s. we run on the notion that there just aren´t enough hours in the day to do everything we want to do or need to do, so we rush to fit everything in. in brazil, everything gets finished, just with its own time. today, for instance, i was supposed to leave at 11am for the beach...it is now 12.45 and i won´t be leaving until 1.30...maybe :) thinking, however, that we might maybe actually leave at 11, i woke up and right away started doing some stuff that i knew i needed to do and cut out others i thought i wouldn´t have time for...really, i shouldn´t have wasted the energy worrying. when it comes down to it, it all happens eventually and can´t really be planned...and in the interim, you have more time for yourself and to soak in what´s around you since you´re not just passing through in the rush to the next thing. this makes everything more memorable too, especially since the time you spend doing something, though it took longer to actually happen, happens longer too :)

since i´ve been here, when people speak to me in rapid portuguese, i usually have to ask them to slow down a little since i can´t otherwise understand what they´re saying...really though, maybe they should be saying the same to me.

i can see clearly now, the rain is gone :)

i don´t know what i expected, exactly, when i came here...to me, brazil was exotic, unknown, full of vibrance and friendly people. it still is. to look at the landscape here is to see yourself in a paradise...i work 3 blocks from the sea, the forest fights the city and you can see trees, flowers, and other random plants seeping through cracks in the sidewalk or over fences...it´s gorgeous, really. the people are great, all very helpful, very passionate people. everyone talks with their hands, greets friends with a hug or a kiss, and loves to relax. maybe that´s why before i came, when i thought about being here, i thought it would be like a vacation. in some ways it is, but some ways not in that it´s much more difficult than a vacation, and i feel like i´ve gone through a whole other growth cycle even in the past week, ha ha :)

for instance, i rode the school bus for the first time when i was about 5 years old...that was the day i became a "big girl," one of my first travel experiences without my mom or dad by my side. when i came here, it was like learning some things all over again...i make my bed differently, had to learn how to ride the bus (and i still only know a very small part of the system, ha ha), i´m learning how to write, read, speak, and understand a language all over again (from scratch), meeting all new people for the first time, eating different food, learning what´s normal and what´s not, what´s acceptable and what´s not, etc...and i´m definitely not at the adult stage yet. you never think about all the learning that went into things that you do every day until you have to learn some of them all over again, especially when the initial learning took years and years...

so now i´m slowly learning to communicate, learning where things are, and becoming somewhat independent, yay! i´m definitely still a child here though, trapped in a 20 something´s body with a 20 something´s thoughts. let me tell you, what a weird feeling...

não sei

i don´t think i can count the number of times i´ve used this phrase here, ha ha...probably one of the most useful phrases in a language when you´re learning #1 because it´s easy, #2 because it´s true...não sei = i don´t know.

today though, when i did know, i could only say "não sei" because i couldn´t find the other words...sigh. anyway, just to give you some background: i work on the other side of the city from where i live, and salvador isn´t so small. it´s not too far, only 10 mins by car with no traffic, but by bus with traffic, it takes about an hour. anyway, today i took the bus alone for the first time...yay for being a big girl, ha ha :) anyway, i needed lots of help before because the city is so big and the bairo (neighborhood) names so unfamiliar that i really had no idea where i lived, especially in relation to where i work. the aiesecers were very helpful and wrote out directions and sample sentences in portuguese for the bus driver in case i needed them and came with me a couple of times :) anyway, the bus leaves from the stop across the street from my house and stops a block from my work...pretty sweet. well, when i came down from work it was about 5:30 pm and already dark (it gets light at 6 am, so ya know) and i saw some guys that i work with chillin in the lobby of the building. please note here that none of the 3 of them speak english...at all. also note that i´ve been in brazil for 6 days and have therefore known the little portuguese that i know for 6 days...can we all see where this is going?

they ask me how i´m getting home and where i live. i tell them that i catch the bus down the street and that somewhere on the bus it should have the name itaguara, but that´s not necessarily where i live. i guess they didn´t catch that part, or maybe i didn´t say it. anyway, we go down the street to my stop and i´m waiting for the bus and they then tell me that my bus isn´t coming for 2 hrs and that it´s the wrong bus, which i know isn´t true because i had caught it at this same time the day before. unfortunately, i keep forgetting the word "yesterday" and that isn´t very helpful either. by this time 2 of them are both speaking fast and loud to me and i can barely understand a thing, much less answer with something comprehensible. they begin leading me away from the stop to catch another bus when lo and behold, here comes my bus...and i miss it b/c we´re too far away. oops. i call the vpx here but by the time she tells me to just wait for the other bus, one of my co-workers has gotten me onto a bus that he says goes by my house. it goes in the right direction, as it turns out, but not near my house really...i don´t want to leave him because he speaks portuguese and it´s not safe for me to be by myself here, especially on a bus, especially at night, especially as a blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl that doesn´t blend in at all. we ended up calling another aiesecer that was able to pick us up from a place near my house so everything ended up ok, but for me it was a little scary, even though i knew the people involved...they didn´t scare me, just the fact that without the language, i´m very vulnerable, you know? i don´t always understand things correctly if i understand them at all, and i know this will come with time, but i think today the strangeness of everything hit me more. it won´t be strange forever though, and that´s the real reason we need aiesec, you know?

eventually i will understand (the culture and the language, hopefully :D), but until i do, i´m afraid a little...not like afraid for my life necessarily, but safety is a concern in any unfamiliar situation and i just don´t know what´s normal and what´s not, am i being polite, did i say something completely offensive, did i do something completely offensive, am i representing myself, my family, aiesec, and my country the way i should be? so many questions, and the answers will come only with time. by the way, in writing, this doesn´t look how it felt really, but believe me when i tell you, and i think michael metioned this in his blog too, that communication is so so so so so so important, whether you´re facing a language barrier or even an emotional barrier, whatev. being able to communicate is the thing that makes us understand and act and think accordingly to the situation...that´s why people end up and then stay in aiesec, you know? what a horrible place this would be if we all knew only about ourselves.

beijos :)

made it!

so i finally made it to brazil :) i´m writing this from my host family´s house, and they´re completely awesome, btw...after a 9 hr flight to sao paulo little bit of stress about almost missing my second plane this morning, i arrived in salvador at about 11am.


the aiesecers were there waiting for me with a big red poster that said, welcome to salvador, johanna! and beijos (kisses) written all over the place. as is customary in latin cultures, we all exchanged a beijo on each cheek as a greeting then headed to the car. what a huge city! although the 3rd largest city in brazil, i wasn´t expecting a city this big! the rolling hills of the landscape made the buildings look like they sat on waves in the ocean, and tall buildings scattered among smaller, colorful houses give the landscape a completely new identity. granted, it wasn´t the most beautiful day since it´s been raining for the past week, apparently. everyone assures me, though, that this weather isn´t typical...i hope so :)

it´s been a full day, for sure, and i´d like to write about it in as much detail as i can, but to be honest i´m so tired that i´ll just put in the most striking parts. i went to a concert put on by a local band tonight with 4 aiesecers (2 brazilian, 1 colombian, 1 american) and 2 other brazilian friends that was completely awesome :) they played alternative/rock kind of music like you might hear in the u.s. or any country i guess, but it had a distinct brazilian flair with the beats and of course the portuguese...speaking of portuguese, what a beautiful language! not many people here speak english, and those that do have varying levels, which i´m really happy about...it means i have to learn!!! hopefully i´ll come back having made some progess in this area. my host family has said that they´ll help me, which i´m really grateful for :)

ok, jump to 2 days later...today is tuesday the 13th, ha ha. sorry i haven´t kept up with this as much as i´d like, it´s been very busy around here :) just to fill in, after the concert, we went to the apartment/house (i´ll post pictures) of some british boys that work with the colombian girl...their apt. was on the 18th floor of the building with a huuuuge balcony...so what did we do? we put on some music and danced! i tried to learn samba but to no avail...ah, well, there´s more time for that :)

yesterday i went to work to meet my boss and co-workers then went to take care of some immigration-type papers...not too exciting. last night, though, i did hang out with my host sister and we stayed up talking for awhile :) i love hearing the different perspectives on everything from moving out to dating to driving, etc. when you guys go abroad, if you have the chance to live with locals, DO IT. you experience more than just what´s outside, ya know? you eat what they eat, sleep where they sleep, do what they do basically...and in my case and many others i´m sure, the whole family doesn´t speak my language (neither do 98% of my co-workers) so i´ve been having "conversations" (note that they´re very basic and full of mistakes and body language) in portuguese when 3 days ago i barely knew a word. you have to, and what better way to be immersed than being immersed in everything?

ok, this is really long...desculpe (i´m sorry), but i´ll try to be better about posting in a timely manner and adding some pictures in the future :)

beijos :)

"let's see, what do i have now?"

not too long ago, i read a book with certain chapters told from the perspective of an 11 yr old, and each passage of hers began with this sentence. in that case, i think the purpose of this little sentence was to convey a sense of selfishness and ignorance with no recognition as to the real value of things...she never mentioned people. maybe it's my graduation or my impending departure, i'm not sure. well, not that i haven't had a 3 month departure before, but this is different somehow. maybe because i know that when i return a large number of my friends at tech won't be here, maybe because i know that this time i won't have georgia tech holding my hand while i'm abroad, maybe because i know that i will miss more than ever those that i'm leaving behind for this short while, who am i to know for sure? wow, i just realized that i never finished the thought i started with, ha ha :) anyway, i'm not exactly sure why, but right now i feel like the value of certain things (especially people) is hitting me pretty hard. weird.

so let's see, what do i have now?
- new clothes to wear to work (cute, but all off the clearance rack, yes!)
- 4 lessons of portuguese under my belt via a lesson book and some cd's juan bought me :)
- gifts for my host family and tn manager in brazil
- all of my medicine and immunizations i needed
- the thank you notes for my birthday and graduation gifts written
- a brazilian travel book
- an unlocked phone ready for a brazilian sim card
- excitement
- nervousness
- nostalgia (i am, after all, at home in my parents' house)
- love
- the most amazing friends EVER
- the most incredible boyfriend EVER
- a wonderful family
- curiosity
- open-mindedness
- a full stomach
- relaxing music

there's more, i'm sure, but i'm just writing as things come to mind. i didn't write about them, but the events of the past couple of weeks have really made me question the value of all of these things and more while showing me a little bit of the value others placed on me...how unreal and awesome :) so really, when you look at that list above, and do recognize that they aren't in any order for any reason, how much do you value all of those things? and how does this dictate your actions, your ambitions, your passions? could you live without them? with all of them at the same time?

what's so funny about all of this is that you can decide for yourself, and it in turn dictates how you live your life, which at the same time, is influenced by sooooo many other people. ha ha ha ha ha...so really, maybe you aren't really deciding at all. some of the things on this list i'm leaving in atlanta for the summer while others i'm pursuing. and some of these things are means to this end while others stand alone.

and i value them all. now the question is...how much?

i'm horrible at making decisions.

graduation!!! and all that comes with it.

so yesterday i did something that many people say is one of the most important things of your life...i graduated from college. granted, mine was unlike most because i will be returning to graduate school for the next year, but it's still a milestone. an education opens so many doors, and i'm so lucky to have had the chance to get one as i did. i moved out of the fraternity house that i've lived in for the past 2 years into a real apartment off campus on friday, spent the night celebrating the end of my undergrad experience, then woke up after 3 hours of sleep to sit through my 3.5 hr graduation ceremony the next morning. it was long but good, and it felt nice to walk across the stage in recognition of the past 4 years :) i still can't believe it happened at all, really. it was so stressful figuring things out with finals, moving, and graduation, especially since i had some family in town from ny...i never had time to think much about brazil.

i'm leaving for brazil in less than a week to embark on probably one of the most challenging, adventurous, and amazing experiences of my life, and i am not prepared at all. today i went clothes-shopping with my mom for the first time in forever, just to get clothes to wear to work (i'm such a bum, ha ha). my visa still hasn't arrived, which i'm freaking out about a little, and now that all of my things from school are finally home in fayetteville, i have to unpack them only to pack them again. i feel like i have so much to do and so many people to spend time with before i leave...i hope it all works out. i guess the magnitude of the trip didn't hit me until i had nothing else to stand in front of it, and now it has, and i am more excited and nervous than ever! i can't wait to meet everyone in salvador and find out what brazil has in store for me. it's going to be a wild ride :)

5 days.