just over the cordillera...

...it's more different than i could've imagined - the other half of my team is here, working and living as we work and live in santiago but in a place so different yet the same - shhh - old friends are always up for some pizza and beer - less palta, more pasta - the air is truly beautiful :)

ah, buenos aires, gracias por invitarme.

and then you start thinking that you almost belong.

i heard a quote from a friend today that made a lot of sense - it was funny, granted, but true.

"aiesecers know where they want to end up in life - they just don't know where they'll be next year."

how. true. if you had asked me a year ago what i'd be doing about now, i'd probably have told you that i'd be working in some environmental firm somewhere designing water treatment plants or something on the computer all day. if you had proceeded to tell me that i'd be living in chile in an apartment with no fridge, little furniture, 3 people from 3 different countries, and working for an administrative body of aiesec that oversees its operation in 3 completely foreign countries (to me), i probably would've laughed at you or given you the look like you'd gone crazy. my life here is incredible, really, and i sometimes have to stop and wonder how i even got here in the first place - sometimes i still just can't believe it.

when do people you've just met become friends? and when does a country and culture so foreign become yours? it's all very gradual, i guess, until one day you realize that you don't feel so out of place anymore - you almost belong.

tonight i went out with some friends to say goodbye to sarah, my fellow gringa who has been living here for the past 7 months - it'd weird to think that even a month ago i really only knew her by sight, and as of today, she really had become one of my friends here. she leaves tomorrow for the u.s. - she's at the end of her chilean journey. as she talked to me the other night about all the things she missed from home, simple things really, it struck me how long it would be for me until i'd have them. i don't have 7 months here yet, so i guess i'm just not feeling it quite as strongly. but i think it's something else too. at this point in my brazilian experience last summer, i was 3 weeks away from going home - and i could feel it. every day spent was another closer to home and the people there, not so much the things, but still. i loved my time there and i loved the people, but it was like having something else that i missed so much so close i could taste it - and a taste was all it took to make me miss it so much more.

right now i look at my journey and see 5 more months until i'll set foot on u.s. soil again, then another 5-6 afterwards back here in chile. 5 more months before i'll eat my mom's food or drive my car or sing to the mirror in my bedroom. whatever. but right now it's ok. right now i miss the people like mad - my family, my friends, my boyfriend (who hopefully i'll get to see soon!) - but not the things, and it's bearable i think because i know i won't see them for 5 months and i'm mentally prepared. but who knows - i can't lie, this cold rain is really making me want summer right now :)

anyway, i think it's the taste that tortures you the most in things like this, especially once you've adapted to another and almost felt like you belonged.

i know i'll never be chilean completely, but if i can be almost - enough to fit in, enough to appreciate my life here for what it is, enough to live - i'll be in the best position possible to live as i should, no matter where i am at the time.

and then there was one.

i arrived to an apartment hosting 5 people - 2 months, 0.5 weeks ago

i lived with 7 people, only one a permanent future roommate, in this apartment - 1 month ago

i live with 2 people, both permanent roommates, in this apartment right now.

i will live alone for the weekend in this apartment that has hosted us all.

if only walls could talk.

adventures on the cerro

some of you might remember that i posted a couple of weeks ago about cerro san cristobal, the "hill" (more like a small mountain) that houses the largest park in santiago :) for those of you who know me, you know - i. love. parks.

i skated as much as i could in piedmont park in atl - almost every city i traveled to in europe i desperately searched for a park to chill out in, to people watch, to sleep, to just decompress - here is no exception, especially since cerro san cristobal holds multiple parks (can you imagine?!) and even a zoo! not to mention its amazing views of the city from the top where the virgin stands watching over the city...

anyway, in accordance with my park obsession, i dragged some friends along with me yesterday for cerro san cristobal part deux, this time minus the running (though we did walk and accordingly get lost...). this time i thought far enough in advance to bring along my camera, hence the pictures :) there's still a lot left in this park to explore, and i'm really excited that it's a 15 minute walk from my apartment - i think i have found my favorite place in santiago.

UPDATE: ok, so for some reason blogger doesn't like me and won't let me put pictures up :( you'll find them in my facebook album though :D (they're at the end...)

rambling thoughts on misunderstanding - warning: it doesn't make much sense :)

i feel like this has come up a lot lately for me - how? lots of ways - distance, language, culture - you know, the normal ones.

it's not always bad to be misunderstood, of course, but when it comes to really feeling comfortable in your skin and in your head in a place where both are pretty foreign, it can just be, well, frustrating. i'm not having problems with anyone here - no problems with my job, my life in general - i think my biggest problem is just figuring out how to do it all, to be my estadounidense self with all the ideas and perspectives that come with it, to be a sensitive foreigner in a different culture (well, more than that - to adapt), to relate to both cultures while really not completely relating to either. how am i supposed to do that? i never was the stereotypical american, i guess, but it was always pretty apparent to myself (and others many times too) where i was from. so for now i'm not chilean, but i'm beyond my american view too - i guess you can't be defined by a culture, though it is nice to relate to something. hmm, i'm rambling...

well, i am proud of my country and love it - it's not perfect, but that's ok, no country is. just because i meet americans here doesn't mean i have to like them or be like them - and if i do and am, well, i guess i have a new friend :) my friends here are from all over, and that's pretty cool - well, lots of my friends at home were too, including my boyfriend - and that's incredible too. i need to take things more as they are, i think - i get too far into my head and get lost, total waste of energy.

so for now, i'm just going to sit here and listen to my 311 and think of my high school summers in fayetteville spent driving in the oppressive heat to the lake or the movies or wherever - then when imogen heap comes on i'll think of my summer of indulgence and insatiable desire to travel (that still hasn't left me, obviously) in france - then when ivete sangalo comes on i'll be right back on the beach in brazil drinking beer and eating bolinhos as angry waves crash on the beach - and then reggaeton will come on and i'll be right here, right now, all of these things together. and that's what it is.

so please don't expect me to be one of these people all the time, or assume i am because i'm from where i'm from or i've been where i've been - i'm just me - i think too much, fall hard, trust fast, don't mind living simply, am always 15 minutes late, and would be content to just feel valuable, needed, loved, and appreciated - i'm not a "stuff" person really.

and if i'm going to be misunderstood, i'd prefer that it was this and not my home country or my adopted country or any other country or culture that got mixed up in the middle - if only the world were that simple :)

just like fiction

it's a movie title, i know, but it was a good movie :) made you think about how what you do every day, no matter how mundane, really connects to everything else - cool topic, but i have too much work to catch up on to get into that right now, ha ha.

i just wanted to write this down before i forgot, since it happens that my best bursts of inspiration (or even just really seeing something for what feels like the first time) happen at the most random moments with no pen or paper in sight. anyway, this one came to me as i sat in the middle of 3 other girls in the back of a sub-compact car, driving down the dark highway leading to concepción from our venue about 45 minutes outside of town. i can't remember the name.

the spanish was flying, as i'm now accustomed to. the kind of techno you'd hear in a club in ibiza was flowing through the speakers as two girls in the back dozed and the guys in the front made small talk. i was sitting just listening and staring out the front window, hoping to catch a glimpse of what the countryside really looks like through the darkness - nope, ha ha. as i sat there listening and watching, i didn't quite have deja vu (as i've had lots and lots and lots of times since i've been here), but just a realization about it. well, i don't know. the thought just suddenly occurred to me that if i had dreamt about this moment, the ambience, the people - this everything - while still in the u.s., i probably would've woken up thinking, wtf? why the hell would i be in a car surrounded by people speaking spanish, techno, and flying down a dark highway in the middle of nowhere familiar? well, there i was :)

it's funny how something so random can seem so improbable - and suddenly it's your reality.

never say never...