and then you start thinking that you almost belong.

i heard a quote from a friend today that made a lot of sense - it was funny, granted, but true.

"aiesecers know where they want to end up in life - they just don't know where they'll be next year."

how. true. if you had asked me a year ago what i'd be doing about now, i'd probably have told you that i'd be working in some environmental firm somewhere designing water treatment plants or something on the computer all day. if you had proceeded to tell me that i'd be living in chile in an apartment with no fridge, little furniture, 3 people from 3 different countries, and working for an administrative body of aiesec that oversees its operation in 3 completely foreign countries (to me), i probably would've laughed at you or given you the look like you'd gone crazy. my life here is incredible, really, and i sometimes have to stop and wonder how i even got here in the first place - sometimes i still just can't believe it.

when do people you've just met become friends? and when does a country and culture so foreign become yours? it's all very gradual, i guess, until one day you realize that you don't feel so out of place anymore - you almost belong.

tonight i went out with some friends to say goodbye to sarah, my fellow gringa who has been living here for the past 7 months - it'd weird to think that even a month ago i really only knew her by sight, and as of today, she really had become one of my friends here. she leaves tomorrow for the u.s. - she's at the end of her chilean journey. as she talked to me the other night about all the things she missed from home, simple things really, it struck me how long it would be for me until i'd have them. i don't have 7 months here yet, so i guess i'm just not feeling it quite as strongly. but i think it's something else too. at this point in my brazilian experience last summer, i was 3 weeks away from going home - and i could feel it. every day spent was another closer to home and the people there, not so much the things, but still. i loved my time there and i loved the people, but it was like having something else that i missed so much so close i could taste it - and a taste was all it took to make me miss it so much more.

right now i look at my journey and see 5 more months until i'll set foot on u.s. soil again, then another 5-6 afterwards back here in chile. 5 more months before i'll eat my mom's food or drive my car or sing to the mirror in my bedroom. whatever. but right now it's ok. right now i miss the people like mad - my family, my friends, my boyfriend (who hopefully i'll get to see soon!) - but not the things, and it's bearable i think because i know i won't see them for 5 months and i'm mentally prepared. but who knows - i can't lie, this cold rain is really making me want summer right now :)

anyway, i think it's the taste that tortures you the most in things like this, especially once you've adapted to another and almost felt like you belonged.

i know i'll never be chilean completely, but if i can be almost - enough to fit in, enough to appreciate my life here for what it is, enough to live - i'll be in the best position possible to live as i should, no matter where i am at the time.