it's all coming together

today will be my last college football game (as a college student). next week will be my last thanksgiving having to make my plans around whether i actually have class on the day before or not. this winter break will be the last one i have, well, from school anyway. even though i technically graduated last may, these things never really hit me since i knew already that i'd be returning to tech for another glorious year, ha ha :) really, though, these things are nothing new to the people that i entered tech with 5 years ago, a few of which i still hang out with today.

for some reason, or maybe becuase i led myself to believe that it'd be better, i was ready to graduate but not ready to leave when i graduated last year. i had grown used to tech, or maybe just used to my lifestyle there. when you think about it, waking up at 10am for your 11am class everyday isn't such a bad deal. as i've gone through this semester though and seen how i fit into the graduate program while dabbling with the working world, it makes me realize that though i think my time (at tech at least) will finally feel right in being over, i don't know how i feel about being completely immersed in a 9-5 job. there are some freedoms that you just don't have once you get there, and that scares me a little bit.

that's why i'd like to take on a non-conventional job at first, one that gives me the chance to travel and the freedom to do lots of different things. going to brazil and my experience there definitely helped me find my direction for this, but it also just made me want to go back. if there's one regret i have about that experience it's that i didn't stay long enough. it was hard at first, sure, and i definitely got a lot out of it...but i also opened a new part of my life and discovered a completely different set of things that make me happy in addition to the ones i'd already known about. and i feel like that will always be with me...well, i hope so anyway :)

so after my obligations for the semester are over, when i start busting out the job applications, i'll be looking for what i've discovered i want and need in a job, but i'll also have more to consider, even just beyond going back to brazil itself. being there made me realize lots of things about being here too, and though i may not have the chance to satisfy all of my crazy ambitions, i'm hoping i'll find the wisdom to chase what's most important and be happy either way :)

there's so much i want to give back to so many people and institutions that have given so much to me. and now i just think i need to learn to live life with no regrets.