"let's see, what do i have now?"

not too long ago, i read a book with certain chapters told from the perspective of an 11 yr old, and each passage of hers began with this sentence. in that case, i think the purpose of this little sentence was to convey a sense of selfishness and ignorance with no recognition as to the real value of things...she never mentioned people. maybe it's my graduation or my impending departure, i'm not sure. well, not that i haven't had a 3 month departure before, but this is different somehow. maybe because i know that when i return a large number of my friends at tech won't be here, maybe because i know that this time i won't have georgia tech holding my hand while i'm abroad, maybe because i know that i will miss more than ever those that i'm leaving behind for this short while, who am i to know for sure? wow, i just realized that i never finished the thought i started with, ha ha :) anyway, i'm not exactly sure why, but right now i feel like the value of certain things (especially people) is hitting me pretty hard. weird.

so let's see, what do i have now?
- new clothes to wear to work (cute, but all off the clearance rack, yes!)
- 4 lessons of portuguese under my belt via a lesson book and some cd's juan bought me :)
- gifts for my host family and tn manager in brazil
- all of my medicine and immunizations i needed
- the thank you notes for my birthday and graduation gifts written
- a brazilian travel book
- an unlocked phone ready for a brazilian sim card
- excitement
- nervousness
- nostalgia (i am, after all, at home in my parents' house)
- love
- the most amazing friends EVER
- the most incredible boyfriend EVER
- a wonderful family
- curiosity
- open-mindedness
- a full stomach
- relaxing music

there's more, i'm sure, but i'm just writing as things come to mind. i didn't write about them, but the events of the past couple of weeks have really made me question the value of all of these things and more while showing me a little bit of the value others placed on me...how unreal and awesome :) so really, when you look at that list above, and do recognize that they aren't in any order for any reason, how much do you value all of those things? and how does this dictate your actions, your ambitions, your passions? could you live without them? with all of them at the same time?

what's so funny about all of this is that you can decide for yourself, and it in turn dictates how you live your life, which at the same time, is influenced by sooooo many other people. ha ha ha ha ha...so really, maybe you aren't really deciding at all. some of the things on this list i'm leaving in atlanta for the summer while others i'm pursuing. and some of these things are means to this end while others stand alone.

and i value them all. now the question is...how much?

i'm horrible at making decisions.