w.o.r.d.s.

i didn't watch the superbowl for the first time since i've been in college, i think. i told myself i would be productive instead and finish up some homework i have due this week...well, that didn't work out so well. here i am, hours later, knowing more or less what i need to do but just not having the focus to actually sit down and do it. maybe it's my senioritis (round 2 no less). maybe i'm just in a place beyond my school work right now and my brain isn't having it. maybe i just need to chill out.

i couldn't help thinking, earlier, while on a relaxing jog in the beautiful 60 degree weather, how silly this all is. we all like to be heard. it's why we write in blogs, diaries, find ourselves in deep discussions with friends, bond over cups of steaming coffee or hot chocolate. some of us more than others, granted. i'll be honest, i'm a pretty shy person most of the time and would rather not make myself the center of any kind of attention, yet here i write :) the power of communication is, well, powerful and incredbile...it's self-satisfying too. but while i think so much and have so many "revelations" here in this blog or in engaging conversations, why is it that when i act and live, these thoughts are as if they never were?

those thoughts that we go through so much trouble to communicate, what are they really doing? maybe they're inspiring, which is important. maybe they help us with tough decisions. maybe they help us overcome heartbreak or encourage us when we feel like all has failed. maybe they make us see a side of ourselves we never chose to see or never could see before. but once we start living the lives that create these experiences...are these the thoughts that run through your head before you cast an inquisitive glance? are these the thoughts that dictate the comments that slip out? are these the forces that govern how you really live?

it feels like they should be, for all the trouble we go through to learn and understand and share. but i think when it just comes down to it, its your personality and your instinct that take over "ao vivo" and not those million revelations and thoughts that consume you in solitude. i'd like to think it all matters more, though.

what do words do you for you? even if they're only in your head?