the moment

sometimes we get lost in living.

being in the moment, experiencing it for what it is in taste, smell, color, shape, texture is valuable. this is what makes the memory, not the actual event. why is it that a smell can bring you back to a split second in time as if you were there? why is it that a song that brings you through a difficult time can still make you cry years later? what does your body know that your mind cannot in that moment, and why is it so much stronger?

why don't the cycles match up?

why does an observer see everything and understand so much more clearly than the person experiencing that moment first hand? and why can't we have both, even when we think we do?

omnipotency is frightening, and a part of that is omniscience. it's too much for one person, for any person, and even with the help of others we still don't believe entirely what we didn't experience for ourselves. it's more fun that way, granted, but i think there's something to be said for stepping back from the moment, just for a little while.

i think somewhere within yourself you always knew, or know, what's right and wrong for you. you can feel it when you walk into a room, you can sense it in the body language of others. it's believing it that's the trick.and somewhere along the way, knowing lots of things become less about knowing them and more about prioritizing them. and that's the real decision.

you always know, somehow. it's accepting it and finding the strength to initiate it, that defining action that probably involves some sort of self-sacrifice.

my decisions are rapidly approaching. deciding on that self-sacrifice right now and how much sacrifice it might involve for others.

i almost don't even feel like myself.