remember that time...?

tonight i got to hang out with 2 of my best friends in the entire world. i met both of them in 6th grade, and we've been close ever since. even through changes in "the group" over the years, going to different colleges, cycling through boyfriends, from elation in finally finding a job to depression in the deepest heartbreak, we've always been there for each other, even if we couldn't exactly be with each other. i've grown up with these girls, and because of that, they probably know me pretty much better than anyone.

i laughed so hard tonight, even though i hadn't spent time with these two at the same time in months. we took pictures, re-lived old stories, and we still give inside jokes as presents :) the whole thing was a little bittersweet though. one of them moves in a month to virginia, and with the graduations of the others of us in may, who knows where we'll all end up. it's hard to think that these people that you've known for so long, those that have seen you through your ups and downs, those who grew up with you and understand your background, may not be within easy reach forever.

of course everyone thinks about these things when a new phase in life comes along, whether it be the end of high school, the end of a traineeship, the end of college, whatev. i can't count the number of times i've probably written about "saying goodbye" in this blog alone, much less all of the posts i've read by others going through the same thing all over the world. everyone has a different perspective on it...how it feels, how you deal with it, etc. well, i was thinking about it all again tonight, especially since of of the gifts happened to be a scrapbook containing pictures of the three of us from 1998 up til literally last weekend. it struck me, though, that something about this type of a "last," as i discussed in an august post, is decidedly different from those that i wrote about before.

it's all part of the journey, of the larger dream that we tend not to talk so much about in the context of "the dream" in aiesec. living the dream, so to speak, i always interpreted as going out into the world (all over the world), living as a nomad, meeting people, and making your mark in the way you wanted to. as i found out in brazil, this dream isn't perfect, and it's not supposed to be. but beyond this, i feel like there's a larger part to "the dream" that no one seems to talk about. i mean, it takes something to get to that starting point, right? you go through how many years of your life before you realize #1 what you want to do, #2 where you want to go, #3 who you want to be with, and all the experiences and people the came before influence this. these girls, though i didn't meet them in a far-away country on a deeply challenging and incredible exchange experience, have, over the span of almost 11 years, impacted me in ways that can't be rivaled today just for the sheer fact that they were here as i grew in body, mind, matruity, and spirit.

this isn't to say that i've stopped growing or never will again. the last 2 years have taught me that and my experiences abroad are some of the best i've had. it just isn't the same, though, as late nights spent doing "makeovers," sharing stories about first kisses and everything involved with first loves, making movies with spur-of-the-moment characters and plots, just being young. these experiences, no matter how stupid or silly they may seem today, are part of what has made me who i am today, and the people i shared them with are even moreso. my journey, my dream began long before i knew what aiesec was, long before i cared about current events, long before i realized (kind of) what i wanted to be when i grew up and what it took to get there. there's more to it than the "lasts" today and the new things that happen tomorrow.

these things have become so engrained in me and these people have made such a mark on me, that they can never be a part of a "last," not if it means that i continue living the dream every day. living life the way you want to, i've decided then, is the ultimate dream, and this includes the time when you wanted to be a mermaid when you were 5. and it includes now, when in my case, i want to be a professional hippie (aka environmental engineer ;D). there's something about my physcially growing up that made this dream mine, and so really, these things that underlie it will never be a last for me since they're there every day.

so appreciate your "dream" for all that it is. it's not just today and tomorrow. it's a whole lot of yesterday too, and to fully understand our dreams today, i think we need to appreciate this. hindsight, after all, they say is 20/20. i'd also have to say it makes for a good laugh once in awhile :)