tô perdendo o brasil...

some revelations and thoughts of the past few days/weeks/i don't know. i'm not sure why this is structured this way, but it's kind of the way i thought of it in my head.

-tô perdendo o brasil...a língua, a cultura, a gente. não tô perdendo amigos o família, eu sei, mas tenho perdedo contato um pouco, eu acho. estou desligado aquí, é quase impossivel evitar, ser bem longe assim, mas não quero esquecer. e agora, eu sinto como tô :(

-on the way home in the car, all i could think about was how every time i accelerated, how much NOx, CO, and hydrocarbons i was emitting into the atmosphere because my catalytic converter wasn't operating at its optimum point. nerdy, i know :)

-i was listening to this song today..."increíble" by cabas (un colombiano). it relates to a lot of things in my life in some way, i think. "no quiero perderme nada, ningún segundo entre tú y yo; quiero saboarme cada gota de tu amor; etc etc etc" - i want to get out of here for a little while. atlanta, i mean. but there are some things here that i don't think i'm ready to leave again. as if 3 months wasn't enough...there are things i think i can only accomplish by being gone for a longer time, a year maybe. but can i leave those things here for a whole year? i'm struggling with it right now. i know that everyone just says to go out and do it, and i have before and i want to again. but last time i did, it made me realize some things about certain things around here, and now i have more to weigh. i don't want to be selfish, but i kinda do. i think everyone does, a little. but do i let that govern me? so now i feel like, either way, i need to be mindful of every moment, because that one will never come again, and what if another like it never does either?

-i've started trying to tell stories about my day in spanish to my boyfriend...it's helping :)

-i'm happy right now. but incredibly stressed. but i'm still going to mardi gras over the weekend in between my 2 hell weeks. i'm also going to take a weekend to visit my friend that just moved to virginia. i also plan to do a tour de california after i graduate. and if juan ends up in brasil, i want to go there too, though i guess it all depends on funds.

-i apparently have no sense about how to write a cover letter, structure my resume, or engage in correspondence regarding myself for employment. frustrating as hell.

-i thought about applying for the portuguese mc. then i realized how much i don't know about portugal. or aiesec in portugual. and how slim my chances are. maybe i'll do it anyway, i don't know. thoughts?

bem, comida. agora. quase. às 9:00, em realidade. aaah, falei com minha mãe brasileira na sexta passada. foi ótimo :) eu preciso practicar falar português mais, parece...não podía entender tudo...bem, entendí quase nada. ela falou muito rápido. *sigh* isso vai pra onde?