estou confusa...como sempre :)

so lately i've felt very much devoid of direction. i've just landed an internship/research thing with a professor here at school and with a company that does a lot of microscopy, which should be a good experience :) it looks pretty interesting and i think will do a lot to complement my education. i'm excited for it, but after that (and graduation), then what? i've been having the travel itch again despite the fact that i returned from brazil only 3 months ago, eek. a lot of that is wanting to go back and see everyone, wanting to be immersed in that warm, relaxed, inviting culture. some of it though, is just getting out there again and growing and learning in a way that you can only do when you're completely out of your comfort zone. there were some things that i had a really hard time with while i was there, and an incredible friend told me, "one day you'll look back on this experience and see just how lucky you were and how amazing it was. you won't remember much about everything else." he was right.

i'll be traveling again this winter break which will be awesome, especially since i'll be getting to hang out with and visit my family. i'll also get the chance to meet juan's extended family in costa rica too, which is intimidating but exciting :) it's something more than traveling though, i think. i want to be immersed again, be a part of something that's totally foreign and have it become part of me...what an incredible process :) maybe i'm also a little curious to see how i'll handle it this time around after doing it once before, i don't know. there's some reasons i don't want to, but lots that i do, and i haven't been able to come to terms with it all quite yet. i'll actually be making money this spring (which will help), but we'll see. i have time yet. i guess i'm just scared of going through everything so fast and only skimming the surface then growing to regret it. has anyone else gone through this train of thought? i thought that between my traineeship and my study abroad i'd have gotten that out of my system, at least a little so that i'd be content with just traveling. guess i really am a nomad at heart...

i'd like to think i can just take everything as it comes, but i've learned that a lot of times things just don't fall into your lap, you have to go after them.

so where do you go when you don't know what you're going after?