getting lost

today, on the gorgeous drive back to atlanta from helen (in north georgia), i caught myself completely zoning...lost in the music...and vacantly staring at the brightly colored mountains, rolling hills, and lonely farmhouses. i was tired, for sure, and that probably partly explains the empty, lost stare...beyond that, though, there's a kind of peace that comes with losing yourself in a rhythm, in melodic poetry. damien rice, elliot smith, sufjan stevens, coldplay, radiohead, iron & wine, andrew bird, alexi murdoch. it hits your soul but not your mind, really. it's an incredible way to let your thoughts fade away for a little while and get beneath them...they are all, after all, inspired in some ways by something more than just a thought.

this happened once in brazil too. i sat on a bus driving from jequié to salvador, a 6 hr ride in which the arid mountains turn to tropical beaches...radiohead sang in my ears the whole time. i had only been in brazil for about a month by this time, and in the course of 6 hrs, in the change from light to darkness, in the change from dryness to wetness, from mountains to valleys, from vacation to reality, my whole reason for being there made sudden sense and felt right. and at the same time, the reasons for my homesickness became perfectly clear. i didn't judge them though, that's the beauty of the whole thing...thoughts of what should be, what makes sense, what you thought was right, and what you'd never imagnined before...all of it sits in the background for a moment, embeds itself in the music.

i don't remember exactly what surfaced today when i zoned out. i wasn't hit with a sudden burst of inspiration (unless you count this post, of course) or a life-shattering epiphany. i didn't find a definite direction in my life, nor did i form any declarative ideas...but i found peace. i found reflection, and relaxation, and the realization that in that moment, i was exactly where i wanted and needed to be. i found the strength to take on the next 2 "hell weeks" that await me at school, and released the dread i'd been fighting for weeks. maybe it's like meditation, but i'm not really sure since i've never truly meditated before. i usually don't start these on purpose, and because i don't, i ask for nothing and expect nothing in return...i just get to be, and for now, that's enough.